flight response?

i had ics today and i had my ics worker assist me in checking which housing waiting lists i'm on for champs. i could've sworn that i used to be on more when zen was helping me before, so i had her help me re-add a few of the ones i actually remembered. one of them zen claimed i was at the top of the waiting list but then i just needed to readd it.. so it's probably gonna be a little more of a delay.
i went to sabathani after i met with her and i was reading the book MY FAMILY CAN KISS MY ASS and i'm pretty sure i figured out what's going on with my mom. it warns me against adding any narcissistic family members (including my MOM) as friends or being connected with them on social media because that just gives them material to keep you in their toxicity. i de-friended my mom and sister on facebook a LONG time ago, along with a bunch of my narcissistic family members. i'm pretty sure my sister figures she can get closer to me since she stalks me and agrees with everything i say and acts like she came up with those thoughts first from the few conversations i've had with her lately (it was a long time ago and i noticed how she basically said word for word part of one of my blog entries.) newsflash tubs: get a life. i'm smarter than you and everyone else in this world thinks. don't waste your time trying to copy me when you're not willing to ACTUALLY do all of the fucking work. that includes graduating HIGH SCHOOL with HONORS and attending three different colleges and managing to get hired for jobs and volunteering at a community center for OVER a year. oh yeah.. and participating in volleyball in 9th and 10th grade, basketball in 9th grade while managing to do data entry in 9th and 10th grade. YOU CAN'T TAKE ANY SHORTCUTS. that means no weed and no alcohol.. and also!! your favorite- NO SYNTHETIC MARIJUANA. you've already failed seeing as you had a kid by 12 and i didn't lose my virginity until i was 20. TOUGH SHIT. i'm sure amanda assumes my mind will change when my mom attempts to call me (although she hasn't for a while- she probably figured out I'M NOT TALKING TO NARCISSISTIC BUMS WHO ARE STRUCK ON KEEPING ME IN THE SAME PLACE WHEN I ACTUALLY WORK TO GET MYSELF OUT OF THE HOLE THOSE ASSHOLES ARE COMFORTABLE IN- too bad because MY LIFE is NOT THEIR lives.. the fact that amanda assumes i'm stupid enough to just give up everything i've worked my ass off to get in life is just DISRESPECTFUL and it reveals how much she truly doesn't give a fuck about me. she assumes that i'm stupid and i'll just be satisfied with staying in her comfort zone so she can feel better about NOT doing what she told her aunt she'd do- she also refused to recognize my medical HISTORY and how i had TWO surgeries so far on the SAME PLACE i was KICKED by my dad when my mom put MY BODY in front of her to block him kicking HER. GOD FORBID ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING TO TRACY ABOUT THAT THOUGH! SHE'S GOT A BRAIN INJURY! SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING! heh.. well MOM.. i hate to tell you- I now have a brain injury as well.. I KNOW YOUR STUPID ASS CAN READ. IF YOU COULDN'T- YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I SAY ON MY BLOG, YOU NOSEY BITCH. suck it. i've went through ENOUGH shit in my life than for you and fat amy to get in the way of where i'm going. i truly hate you both and you'll never hear me talking about your stupid asses again on here. maybe you'll get a life and actually get your fucking diploma, fatsy).
i managed to tentatively schedule a phone interview with jersey mike's and i said i'd be attending some virtual interview for a flex receptionist job tomorrow. i'm trying to keep myself as busy as i can so i don't have time to think about how much shit sucks. "Keeping yourself busy to avoid thinking about painful feelings or memories is called emotional avoidance or experiential avoidance. In psychology, this is also viewed as a "flight" response where hyper-productivity acts as a defense mechanism against stress or trauma." THANK YOU VERY MUCH GOOGLE! i have words to describe what i'm going through.